Bi the way ... I'm Bi and I want you?
A friend of mine came to visit and we got on the discussion on bisexuality and gays. She said she supported the Gay lifestyle, that was their choice ... ok, great start ... then she said "but I can't understand bisexuality. You either like a side or you don't! They must be a confused bunch." ... ok, baaaaaaad baaaaaad ending. She is a Child Psychologist, mind you, so she confuses herself at times, asking me for advice most of the time as well. I never told her I was bisexual. I never felt I had to, it was none of her business, until now I guess. It made me wonder if she knew I was bi and was trying to use reverse psychology on me, but then I thought maybe she was right, am I confused? I guess I've been confused all my life because I remember having an intense interest in girls by the time I was 7, but loved the boys just as well. Now at 34, I'm totally in love with my husband, but have had several different relationships with bisexual women, that which has been a most wonderful friendship and experience for both of us women. I can't see me changing, in fact, I don't want to. I love my life. I just wish it were easier to handle in certain situations ... the one with my friend for instance.
I'm not completely clueless when it comes to flirting, just a little
intimidated when it comes to flirting ... with women. As a married
bi-female, it's not hard for me to get hit on almost instantly from
guys, hell, just put on a wedding ring and you'll have them all over
your fucking doorstep *sigh*, but women ... those beautiful, natural,
intelligent women you tend to see at the schools your children go to,
at the mommy clubs you're a part of, at the PTO meetings you attend, at
the stores you shop at ... how does a bi-female even toss a "hint" of
interest or try to acknowledge any piece of signal she may be passing
to you that she is actually bi? Is my friend hiding her inner fantasies underneath a lock of words to distract a conversation? Are most women bi? Is it safe to say
that 90% of women in our generation have experienced a bisexual
encounter or that she is bisexually curious? Is bisexuality just a
phase? And the big question, how the fuck do I tell someone I am sooo interested in you?
Comments
It is hard enough being gay and finding out if that woman you like likes you back but to add another into the equation would be so hard.
I suppose you need to take that chance and accept that you may lose friends because they are narrow minded.
And you're talking about adding something else to it - it sounds like you have an understanding with your husband that you can have extra-marital relationships. And to explain THAT to someone, on top of the fact that you're trying to explain that you're attracted to her but married to him, well, it just leads, in many cases, to frustration (I know, I've been there).
what I can tell you is that there's a book called Is it a Date or Just Coffee (amazon link) that is a lighthearted way to figure out if the signals you're getting are more than just friendship. Send me a private message if you want to borrow it & I'll mail it to you.
As for friends who don't understand, yes, there will be some who don't. I've lost a couple people who couldn't (or chose not to) accept me as I am. And that's sad, but something I've decided to accept. I can't change them, and I'm definitely not changing me for them.
Finally, I wouldn't worry about being confused. A bisexual is defined as someone who equally is attracted to and enjoys sex with men and women. Just because you're in love with your husband and aren't actively with women at the moment doesn't mean you're not bi. It just means you fell in love and are monogamous. There was an equal chance that you would have fallen in love and been monogamous with a woman. Bisexual doesn't translate to poly, or unfaithful, or anything else like that.